Everyone changes over time. EVERYONE. No one is immune to this fact.
Why do people change after a significant event ? Why do they not take the effort to change before the fact ?
It is possible you get comfortable in your life, you see no need for change as you see everything is fine in your eyes. But what about other peoples perceptions, peoples opinions, peoples wants, and needs?
Is it selfish in not wanting to change for the other people, and tell them that you are happy the way you are! Of course not, but bear in mind that this may make the other the other people unhappy, and make them resent you. I have always been one to make other people happy, I get joy out of this.
Is it selfish wanting someone to change? Of course not! You make subtle hints, you give them opportunities and offer help to get it done, you go the extra mile to make things work. But the one thing you didn’t do is to make that direct comment or suggestion in fear of retribution. Or you may have.
I for one like change in one way or another. Wether the change is welcomed or not, have you ever heard the saying “The grass is greener on the other side”. Why do people go to the greener grass? For change that they did not get!
But why do people that do not want to change, change after a significant event? Do they finally get that sudden shock, that although they were happy, that things were not what they seemed. Did they realise that holding their course was going to lead to a dead end. They were not happy as they could have been.
What happens to the people that had made these suggestions, or wanted you to change in that way. ? They may get bored with saying the same things over and over. Bored of the same old person. Yes they may love you, but they may go looking for that change else where.
I for one have been on one end of the stick. I have wanted someone to change, I made the effort, made the suggestions, hints. I had craved for that kind of change. I did not see that change what else could I do?
I ended up injecting quite a large shock to the system and ended up making a choice. I sought the change that I was looking for (The grass looked greener on the other side), and ended up continuing to make myself happy with this new change.
After everything settled, the I saw the change start to happen where I wanted it most. But now that change is because that person wants the change for themselves. They want that greener grass now too.
For me seeing that Change After the Fact, It made me think, what did that relationship with that person really be in the first place? Was there respect? I was happy that the other person was finally making that change, I wanted them to be happy. They were unhappy after my change. Why couldn’t they be ?
Why did they not change before the fact. I was angry that they did not change before. I was angry. I wanted that. I wanted that change for me. I feel angry that it didn’t happen sooner.
I know that I am not perfect, and I need a lot of change myself. There are some things that I want to change, and some things that I do not what to change. But in general, I am happy. I am happy that the other person is happy. I cannot go back, I need to go forward, on to change. I am happy with the change I had made. Maybe not how it was done (more on this another time), but it had to be done.